I thought I would share a little bit about one of the main motivations behind my blog…
I am woman in my thirties who has spent her life so far working in a fast-paced corporate environment in London, including travelling all over the country and abroad for work. I am also a woman whose weight and overall health has read like a heart rate monitor, spiking up in peaks and diving low into troughs. I have been fortunate enough to be a shape and weight that has worked for me and allowed me to wear the clothes I like to wear, but it has not always been accompanied by the best of health (and health, being both physical and mental, is both visible and invisible). Looking back, I realise that the times of my life when I was most satisfied with my weight was when I was losing it, and that often coincided with dark, sad periods of my life: minor depression, heartbreak, family tragedy, struggles at work. It seems as if I have rarely, if ever, been in that enviable space of being happy, healthy and in the shape I want to be in. I have rarely had control of my health or well-being, preferring instead to leave it to circumstances; this meant that my philosophy was ‘if I’m meant to lose weight, I will, if I’m meant to gain it, I will – there’s nothing I can do about it.’
Over the last two years, with almost non-stop travel and living away from home, my weight was the heaviest it had been in 15 years, and although I was still not overweight, I was definitely unhappy. Obsession with my weight and my appearance was always lurking in my mind like a phantom bully, and I was always berating myself with ‘look how fat you are’, ‘you have no self-control’, ‘you can never lose this weight’, and so on.
I left my job in November 2016 in pursuit of a better life and to create my own career doing something I love. One of the first things I decided to tackle was my health; now freed from the shackles of a desk job in a dingy environment (my last project as a management consultant was located in the basement of our client’s office) and liberated from sub-standard and/or pricey corporate canteens, I no longer had the excuse to not take my health seriously.
There are many, many theories and methods on weight loss, health and well-being and nutrition out there. I had part-embraced a number of them but never fully seen them through, and had my own judgements about a number of them. I have now embarked on a quest for wellness where I am in control of my health and well-being, and am discovering something that works for me. In the course of this discovery, I have found myself asking the questions: ‘What is wellness? What is loving myself and my body? What is it based on? What is healthy?’ The answers unfolding for me are not what I historically thought they were, and as a result my lifestyle is changing; my life is changing.
I will be sharing my experiences in this blog as I continue on this quest to find out what it really is to live well, eat well and be well.